Cappucino Blues
The latte line’s so slow today
My Saab ran out of gas.
My sister told her ballet coach
That he could kiss her ass.
PBS is back to begging
Norm’s down on his knees.
There’s Laphroaig in the liquor case
But I can’t find the keys.
Chorus-
I’ve got the jittery the skittery
The tapping foot, the shaking knee
I’m so awake I might explode
A double caffeine overload
It’s one to a corner, six to a block
One at six, nine, twelve o’clock
Another cup what did I do?
I’ve got the cappuccino blues.
Yale’s got a quota rule.
The SAT’s a fucking joke.
We spent graduation night
Cruising for a little smoke.
Once I met a girl who wasn’t
Blond, enhanced and thin.
The other girls tore her up
Like she was Gunga Din.
Chorus
Now Liza’s in the stock exchange
And Steve’s designing lingerie.
Michelle has opened her own spa
And produced her mother’s play.
I swim laps in my pool alone.
Both my cell phones never ring.
I clip coupons for a living
With all the joy that that can bring.
Chorus
At noon, I’ll hit the tanning bed
Then meet my sugar at the Gap.
We’ll spend four hours at the mall
Come home with ten more bags of crap.
Remember the next time that we meet
Beneath the Guccis you can’t tell-
Us rich kids from the privileged class
Can make our lives a living hell.
Chorus
Chump Change
Who bought you a Thunderbird?
Bought your first Versace?
Took you to the south of France?
Equipped you with Hitachi?
I gave you Number five Chanel
From Tiffany’s an emerald ring
The penthouse at the Ritz Hotel
The Met to teach you how to sing.
I give you diamonds
I give you gold
You give me a headache
Leave me out in the cold
For what I’m paying it sure seems strange
That all you’re giving me is chump change
Chump change
All you’re giving me is chump change.
Who paid for the saline twins?
A gram or two for lonely nights?
A Lichtenstein print of your Mom
A Shar-pei with an overbite.
Front row at the Cats revival
A drunken pledge to Jerry’s Kids
A painless scrape, a tummy tuck,
Just name one thing I forbid.
Chorus
There are speed burns on my credit cards
The statements run from page to page
Through your fingers money flies
By like digits on the gas pump gauge
It’s a buyer’s market can’t you tell
And you’ve reached expiration;
They’re lining up against the bar
All promise and expectation.
I gave you diamonds
I gave you gold
You gave me a headache
Left me out in the cold
For what I was paying it sure seemed strange
That all you were giving me is chump change
Chump change
All you were giving me is chump change.
So Far, So Good
You caught me looking, yeah, that’s true,
I could of kept walking, and so could you,
But you danced by, that was all that it took
You snagged me sinker, line and hook.
So suave, so sleek, so debonair,
You looked demure but au contraire
Your legs were long but your fuse was lit
I threw away caution you threw a fit.
Chorus-
A man dived from the hundredth floor
I saw him as he hurtled by.
I asked how his day was going
“So far so good” was his reply.
Like a moth to a flame or a fish to a worm,
No matter how I shook and squirmed
I was trapped I was entranced
I never really had a chance.
By then it was too late to quit
By then I knew I didn’t know shit
By then you’d given me a taste
And a right cross upside of my face.
Chorus
The worm’s devoured the moth is burned
Pain is just a lesson learned
But sometimes lust so fills your soul
You can’t help but lose all control.
I’m in your arms I’m in despair
I’m on the ledge I’m in the air
there’s no way that I can undo it
I see first-hand how tempus fugit.
Chorus
The Curse
Earl squints, he draws a bead
Gives the herd a little lead,
Squeezed the trigger, dinner killed,
He likes to have his belly filled.
He sets the snare, he baits the trap,
Lunch walks in, neck-breaking snap.
A slice or two it’s in the pot
Kids come running while it’s hot.
Lamb and chicken, boar and sow,
Trout and salmon, calf and cow,
They’re something more than just nutritious
They have the curse of being delicious
A piece of string, a sharpened hook,
A fishing worm, a shady brook;
One by one, they take the bait,
One by one they meet their fate.
Mahi-mahi, cod and seal,
Bluegill, catfish, tender veal,
They’re something more than just nutritious
They have the curse of being delicious
The hunter rises with the dawn,
In search of rabbit, deer or fawn,
Thru the woods he slowly creeps,
To catch his prey still fast asleep.
He hears a noise, he turns to see
Teeth in the overhanging tree
He moves too slow, becomes the prey,
He’s harvested. It’s payback day.
Duck and catfish, carp and beaver,
Lobster, elk, Golden Retriever
They’re something more than just nutritious
They have the curse of being delicious
The news spreads thru the animal world,
The special for today is Earl.
For the buzzard, crow and worm
The food chain’s made a pleasant turn
As fattened jackals walk away
and ants and beetles have their way,
Earl showed us that there is
A time to take, a time to give.
Clam and oyster, bass and squirrel,
Turkey, hamster, dodo, Earl,
They’re something more than just nutritious
They have the curse of being delicious.